And out the other side

Way back in the late 1990s I left my job in electronics to take up Reiki as an holistic practitioners and life-guide. Or rather, I began my conscious path of personal and spiritual development. The heart and soul had gone out of the company I worked for and I needed a career with meaning and value. I’d previously taken Second Degree Reiki training to help me sort our my relationships, which never seemed to go anywhere. And so began two decades of seeking, of exploring different faiths, philosophies and techniques to help me reconnect to who I really am.

I’m now thinking and feeling that this phase is over. It’s been a transitional period of working on my issues, coming to terms with the state of humanity and reconnecting to my natural, flowing, self.

Before, with the exception of not having a proper girlfriend, I’d been a happy soul. An active part of the community (Morris Dancer, panto performer, residents association), a rewarding role within a team at work, pushing back the frontiers of Quality Assurance. I was usually cheerful and able to throw myself into my various activities with mind, body and soul . . . although I would probably not have been able to talk about such things.

Then life intervened and showed me the other side of human nature and human ways (in the form of the company that took us over) and the shift in electronics from useful state-of-the art developments to ‘how can we make money out of this’.

During my transitional phase including years in the wilderness of the Algarve mountains and intellectual challenge of a PhD I have learned much about how I, and humans generally, can better use our minds; how we can attain a transcendent state of consciousness that embraces rational though and sensory knowing but goes beyond to connect us into life itself, the one-ness of reality. This I recognises as the same flow and insight that I’d previously had naturally. But now I could explain it in ways that academia could understand and business could benefit from.

In parallel with the integration of inner knowing with outer knowing has been a huge mental clear-out; releasing mental blocks, grieving for old dreams and ideas that would never match reality, undoing beliefs about life and myself such that I could accept how different we all are. Through first-hand experience and through study (in the deep engagement sense of the word) of others and the ways of the world, I’ve come to see things for what they are . . . without getting too depressed or annoyed by them.

True, there will always be things that irritate or get me down, but now I’m able to face my own emotions and allow them to settle . . . and for others to be as they are.

In many ways I’m (almost!) back to how I was up to 20 years ago: a happy chappy with an enquiring mind, never happier than when throwing myself into a natural scene or creative endeavour, always keen to co-create and engage heart to heart with those I meet . . . in whatever situation.

In other ways I’m a changed man: a good many fears have been faced and doubts resolved. With mental blocks zapped away I’m more able to take life as I find it and find people and places to engage with in a meaningful way. And, I’m aware of all of this. As and when required, for example when with other active seekers, I can share my experiences and models as someone who has ‘been there done that’. But I no longer need to make this seeking, this conscious inner work, my sole occupation. I can let it go. I need to let it go! One of my big lessons has been how I, like so many others, get attached to ideas, to goals, to labels and, in so doing lose the plot, lose my connection to the natural flow and loving relationships on which human fulfilment depends.

So, for me, my seeking has been a phase. My conscious, explicitly spiritual, self-development has enabled me to undo bad mental habits and reconnect to the me with a zest for life. I’ve come out the other side of the seeking, transitional phase, hopefully much better able to be a happy and successful me. With many thanks for those who have shred the journey with me and apologies to those who’ve had to put up with me during the more difficult shifts. As they say, old habits die hard: but we can work through them and come out the other side. Now the problems facing the world are clear, but so too is the potential for our species and the knowing that I’m ready and willing to play my part in an emerging, more evolved and aware humanity.